how to survive social distancing (or advice from someone who is not qualified to give you advice)

day 2 was a little less full of quarantine optimism than day 1, but perhaps only because the weather was a little grayer and the house felt a bit more like a sardine can.  food was stellar, however...  brisket with caramelized onion and horseradish, mashed turnips, and red cabbage with mustard seeds.  and wine.  we still have a few bottles left in our sad prepper pantry, nestled between 3 rolls of paper towels and the oversized box of organic gummy bears i was supposed to bring into frances' pre-k class before school was cancelled.  even after multiple costco runs a week ago in which i ran through the aisles pulling down shelves of toilet paper and stole a gallon size jar of mayonnaise out of another's cart when they weren't looking*, i still seem to need to go back again.  and after the article i read last night about the amount of people who are currently unknowingly contagious walking around town, i am DREADING this shopping trip today.  like irrationally dreading it.  if neurotics like myself didn't show signs of hypochondria before, this may do the trick.  at least we have gummy bears.



in the spirit of lemonade out of lemons, i've compiled a few lists based on the ages in my household of things to do to stave off boredom or paranoia.  all 3 kids joined the conversation and contributed ideas of their own.  here they are, unedited, written in exactly their own voices.  (excuse the hint of teenage angst and child weirdness...)


fiona (16 years old):

"MY LIST OF THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I GO BACK TO SCHOOL OR DIE, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST:

1. make out with a boy, but that's not going to happen now is it?
2. make a stop motion animation about the corona virus for posterity's sake
3. learn to play 3 songs perfectly on the guitar
4. go for a run every morning or afternoon
5. get really good at taking 35mm photos
6. keep a journal about these weird days
7. plant last year's seeds in the garden and see what grows
8. write my penpal a letter or 50
9. read slaughterhouse five
10. paint
11. needlepoint something funny 
12. watch my bucketlist movies with my family (*i'll post a list of our favorite movies and books later)
13. facetime friends if i'm not allowed to see them
14. hopefully get along more with my sisters and maybe we'll all do fun sisterly stuff that we'll remember when we're old."


neve (14 years old):

"MY QUARANTEEN TINGS (14 year old):

1. learn to skate better
2. learn a new recipe
3. camp in backyard with friends if my mom ever lets me see them again
4. redecorate my room
5. learn new tik tok dance
6. 30 minute yoga every evening
7. go on drives at sunset in the country with the family
8. watch my bucketlist movies
9. make a cake a week
10. read a book i guess
11. i am not even about to learn to sew (fiona can do that amish stuff), but can i cut into some of your old tee shirts, mom?
12. enjoy not wearing makeup everyday
13. make slime with frances
14. learn a new song on the piano."

frances (5 years old):

"THE FUNNEST LIST:

1. play old maid with you.  can we play old maid?
2. play mousetrap with fiona and neve
3. puzzles
4. take selfies in the sunshine (???)
5. make sculptures with clay
6. play toys outside on the grass
7. eat snacks
8. i like it when you make tea and we get to have tea and snacks together
9. eat dinner and watch movies around the coffeetable
10. pet cats
11. draw 
12. act like a naughty cheetah (???)
13. picnics
14. make funny masks with paper plates and, oooh, mom!  can we do a puppet show?!
15. watch frozen 2 tonight while we eat popcorn on the couch but you guys are NOT allowed to be on your phones, okay?  you promise?"

me & terry (age disclosure unnecessary):

"HOW WE GONNA DO:

terry: 
1. i wanna organize the shit out of my life.  (*he's referring to every drawer, closet, and rogue computer file in our life)
2. i wanna read art magazines and all the books i should've read in high school and college.
3. i need to clean the mold off the floor joists in the crawlspace.
4. you still want me to paint the exterior of the whole house, right?  (*he wants me to make sure you know he said that in an annoyed-at-me tone)
5. paint paint- like not the house but for me. (*you could hear my eyes roll, not because he wants to paint on canvas but because apparently painting the exterior of the house is for ME, not us.)
6. i want to make the kids get off their phone more so we can be together.
7. i want to play with frances more, even if it's like that weird animal land stuff she does.
8. i want to go for night drives with the windows down when it warms up.
9. i need to probably also do real work.  like the kind that pays bills.
10. we should go camping.
11. let's drink on the back porch more.  that's nice.
and uhhh, i don't know... there's so much i want to do i can't even think of it all now."

me:
1. "make good food but the kind that cleans out the back of the pantry & fridge.  you know, like soup with the last of the lentils and 1 turnip and 1 limp celery stalk? 
2. i want to read all the books
3. i want to write everyday, even if it is just for me
4. be more present with these kids
5. make more papier mache buildings
6. felt some useless stuff
7. i'm probably going to rearrange furniture, duh
8. get really good at making a few signature cocktails
9. teach the kids how to properly do laundry from start to finish.  actually, all housekeeping skills need to be honed.  let's do this.
10. write more letters
11. actually send them off
12. i guess i better make myself sit through all of 2001 a space odyssey since i've never seen the whole thing
13. hem all those pants i've been meaning to hem, and darn our good wool socks, and finally put contact paper down in the kitchen drawers and all the other stuff i've put off for so long
14. when weather permits, get outside for everything: picnics, sunsets, talks with neighbors, chasing kids, picking flowers, picking weeds, walks, mowing lawn, hanging laundry, and painting the house dammit."

there's so much more of course, but this is a start.  and it will change, and that's okay too.  most importantly i hope that when our family looks back on this historic pandemic there's a contradiction of feeling: sad, maybe confused, and yet warm and connected to each other and the world.  stay healthy, everyone.  xoxo


*i didn’t really take anyone’s mayo

3 comments:

Kellie H said...

I just felt loads better just reading
thanks.

andrea said...

I love this, of course.

Roseann said...

thoroughly entertained. thank you.