{ the day before christmas holiday }
Neve: "Mom, can you buy a present for me to bring to Mrs. Jenkins tomorrow?"
Me: "Who is Mrs. Jenkins?"
Neve: "The lunch lady. I don't think she likes me."
Me: "Why doesn't she like you? Who doesn't like a first grader?"
Neve: "I don't know! She just looks at me like this {she makes a face with flared nostrils and curled lip} and says in a sassy voice, 'hey Neve'."
As it turns out, I did not buy Mrs. Jenkins a gift at 9:30pm, the night before the last day of school of 2012. In fact, I stopped thinking about Mrs. Jenkins altogether, as well as whatever dysfunctional relationship she may or may not have with my daughter. Mrs. Jenkins is but one of the many people Neve believes to have a shit list with her own name on it after all. And I can't afford to pay off all of these people.
* * *
{ yesterday }
Neve: "Mom, Mrs. Jenkins likes me again."
Me: "Good. What changed?"
Neve: "I don't know, but now she's just nicer. She laughed when she told me to bring her money tomorrow. Oh yeah, and can you give me money to give to her? For tomorrow?"
Me: "Huh? Money for what? I pack you a lunch everyday. What specifically did she say?"
Neve: "She said, 'you better bring me some money tomorrow, Neve.' But I think she was kidding. I think was teasing that she wants my allowance or something."
Me: "No. Nope. Things aren't adding up. Are you buying a lunch in addition to the lunch I pack for you?"
Neve: "No! I stopped doing that a long time ago when Mrs. Jenkins told me it wasn't free! I just get milk now."
Me: "Neve! I give you a bottle of water everyday! Why are you getting milk? Milk costs money!"
Neve: "Oh no, it doesn't cost anything. I just grab one and walk back to my seat... you know, if I'm thirsty for chocolate milk."
Me, trying not to laugh: "You've been stealing milk, Neve. For a long time. Everyday?" I begin doing quick math in my head and remember there's also the unaccounted lunches for who-knows-how-long.
Neve: {just nodding}
Terry, overhearing our exchange: "I'm writing Mrs. Jenkins a letter now. And I'll put money in the envelope."
Fiona, overhearing our exchange, laughing: "Ewww... I've never been thirsty for milk."
* * *
9 comments:
It ain't illegal 'til you get caught.
Sounds like the lunch lady needs to be more clear. I don't think Neve is accustomed to subtlety.
The little sneak thief!!
Oh Neve, how I adore you.
Passive aggressive lunch lady? Yes. Very entitled first grader? Yes. The world is one big all you can eat buffet (on me of course) to her.
And you should've seen how shocked she was when she found out shed been taking them... xoxo
Didn't you mean, "hit list", Honey Boo Boo?
Just found your blog through your IG and i'm loving every bit of it. I've often wanted to write down the little funny conversations I have with my kids (only 3 years, two and 0, so conversation is limited for now), yours are truly azimg and making me laugh out loud!
Hi mom.
Thanks for reading and commenting! You should definitely document all of their cute conversations! Even if it's just in a private journal... As you know, it goes too fast.
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