Last night, we were sitting around the dinner table playing our annual Scattergories game with our favorite Brits, when Fiona decided she wanted to go out the back door without telling us. When asked what she was doing, she replied, "I'm going outside to save the world" (with a hint of "duh" in her tone). I told her that it was too dark to be playing outside without us [next to an unlit creek], and that we would take Banjo for a walk when the adults were through playing our game. She clearly didn't appreciate us trivializing her responsibilities to save the neighborhood by referring to it as "playing".
With a stomp and a pout, she went into the guest bedroom and began drawing. I assumed it was cased-closed for "Rainbow Dash" (the super-hero name she gave herself. "Turning bad guys into rainbows" is her superpower. Awesome, right?)
Our game of ridicule and ruthless mockery, I mean Scattergories, ended. (Click on the above link for a Scattergories explanation.) We said goodnight to our friends, and Fiona emerged from the bedroom. She threw a piece of paper at me and ran off.
What I'm about to tell/show you is very embarrassing. I can't believe I'm even able to laugh about this now (on a blog, mind you. NOT in front of my mean child.):
I had no idea that I was looking at the cartogram to my demise. Totally unaware and with a big smile, I asked her to tell me all about "this lovely picture you've drawn". She seemed a bit embarrassed to have to explain to me that each figure was a carefully executed anger-fantasy. (What on earth???)
From the top:
The crown-looking things within circles are her eyes. And those aren't crowns. They're flames.
Beneath her angry eyes is the title of her creation: THACSOLOTMOMYE. Translation: Thanks Alot, Mommy.
The figure falling into a hole? That's me. Falling into a hole.
The picture of a sad woman with the <--> Mom next to it?
And the figure next to the sad Mom? That's Fiona, sticking her naughty tongue out at me.At the bottom of the page, Fiona is scaring me. And enjoying it.
This is disturbing on so many levels.
We leave for home (reality) tomorrow. There we will be enrolling her in an anger management program. For super heroes.
8 comments:
Now I know who to blame for the dearth of rainbows around here.
Thacs.
can't. stop. laughing. Sometimes I am glad my kids are so uncreative. She is too funny and I can't wait to see what she does to you as a teenager...is that mean? Glad you are having a fun vacation and thanks for the laugh.
k
Speaking as one who started drawing bloody knives in people's heads by the 1st grade...you've got nothing to worry about. I turned out okay, right?
Bahahahaha NO WORDS!
Oh my GOD!!! Turning bad guys into rainbows is the most brilliant thing I've ever heard. NOTHING would make a bad guy more angry.
this is so. entertaining.
i dont even know you, but THIS explains so much. your family seems awesome. a little anger management for superheros might be a good idea, but if your princess cools off from her awesome expresive capabilities, what else would you have to write about so valiently??
if this doesn't make much sense please blame it on the coffee not kicking in yet.
adieu!
I had to regain control of my laughing self before I could type anything. Oh. my. stars. girl. Where did you get this feisty creature?! I need me a girl around here to liven things up. Rainbow superheros and anger vented through art...does it get any better than that? Do you just want to hug the mess out of her, laugh hysterically, and hang her up by her toenails all at the same time? Because that would totally be my response. Seriously...I think I need a girl.
Ahhh... children... I, myself, have happened upon equally disturbing drawings done by my son... I think it's all a part of being a parent - apparently. Ha ha. Great post!
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