Was that beautiful? No, it was sentimental.
Was that ugly? No, it was an accurate portrayal of the reality of life.
Am I a good artist? (Or, will I get my BFA when all is said and done?) Good is too subjective. But here's your degree.
It has been ingrained in me that loving something for nostalgic purposes, or sentimentality, or for the sheer fact that it stirs emotions within you is a form of weakness. The farther I move from the days of college and wanting to believe that I have the omniscient ability to remain objective in all things, I'm realizing that I am still emotional and sensitive. And not an art robot.
Although, in the case of music especially, I find that I have a hard time liking something upon first listen. Or even more so, I hate that unless I can connect a song to a memory, or a feeling, or a particular experience (pleasurable, mind you), I probably won't like it. Time, space, memory, and all of those other humanly sensations factor into my loves and my dislikes.
I wish I could be more like those whose range in tastes and genres seem to be influenced more by their ear than their id. I don't know this to be true in every case (ahem, Josh?), but I'm reminded that some people* love mediums in art for just that: the love of the medium. The stirring of emotions seems to be a byproduct of their initial interest.
In my case, I do not like most kinds of jazz (for example) because it makes me nervous. It never really stood a chance. And I hate that. I want to go to a night club with Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable and I want to like free jazz, so-help-me. So stop making me nervous, with your beeda-bahdo-dop-DEE-DEEEE-DEEEEE!
I remember sitting in my experimental sound class listening to Steve Reich's Come Out
(which I do love), and thinking,
"Now do I really like this, or do I just get it, therefore liking it?"
(as I would later discover that Reich was one of the easier artists to listen to in a cold, dark, screening room at 9:00am, unlike some of his other Minimalist or Fluxus buds.)
And the bigger answer:
"Dera, you're over-analytical. Stop thinking so much and just enjoy."
Or as a professor once said to me, "You're too self-correcting." How does one correct that problem?
So, when I'm not over-analyzing, over-correcting, and over-emotionalizing everything, I am over-delighting... sifting through the photo-albums and home videos in my mind that accompany the precipitating sounds.
Now, I have to admit something. This was not the post I set out to write. I wanted to write a 2 sentence blurb about one of my favorite songs. I should know better. Every thought has a precursor, every interest has a story. Hopefully Part 2 to this post won't need any more forwards or introductions.
John Cage
George Brecht
Steve Reich
Phillip Corner
My favorite ivory tickler, Schroder.* Magical Metal Playground is a shared blog of some friends, some family, and some people that I may have to wait to meet in Blogger Glory. I was flattered to be asked to write on there, as most of the other writers are either amazing musicians/artists or just have amazing musical/visual lovelies to recommend.
4 comments:
I studied art in college, too. And, the whole idea of being hyper-"objective" never sat well with me. It actually got on my nerves. We'd have to live in a void to be so objective, and then we wouldn't have art or art robots.
You definitely have awesome taste in music. :)
i love the cosby show reference. that was such a part of my tv sitcom rearing. i know that you intent wasn't connecting to us via a cosby show moment - but your prof's comment really doesn't make too much sense. how does he know that you are self-correcting? must've been your strict, soutern christian upbringing.
anyway - i linked one of the best moments that heathcliff huxtable gave us...i'd like to put down the 'challenge' on his sweater!
Oh gosh. I am in no way objective about anything. Is anyone, really? I suppose some are. My brother-in-law in the band that I told you about? He probably is. But I love very melodic music and cannot understand much in the way of experimental stuff, unless it has something stirring in it. Forgive me, but I want to be stirred! This makes for some embarrassing loves, but I will keep them under raps because I think very highly of you and I don't want you to think I am a total loser when you find out I like some terribly shmaltzy stuff. (Most of the shmaltzy songs I like purely for their singalongability.) I am also finding now that I have kids that it is harder and harder to find music that I just love because I don't have the chance to listen to it over and over and really "get" it. So instead I just listen to the same old during the 15 minutes once a year that I get to be alone with music. This is embarrassingly long and self centered. I really liked this blog post. It brought this silly comment out of me.
Thanks so much for this, Dera. I have no one in particular who I post for and tend to think of the blog as a giant grocery store list of my favorite things extending into the darkness of cyberspace, and I'm very proud to have people like you reading and contributing. Kind of unfortunate that everyone whose on it extends through the "6 degrees of Joey Bennett" (no jab at your brother, he's introduced me to many people/things which I'm blessed to know about) and doesn't know each other personally cause I think all of us have an incredible bond with the music/film/art we enjoy, which is no small feet considering how easy it is these days to undermine really beautiful things which can be presented in incredibly dull wrapping paper. Thanks again for this post - it's a joy knowing people like you are around in a world where everything is constantly taken for granted
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