Alleged Blueberry Cookie

I'm next in line of cars and mini vans to procure my child from school this afternoon. I see her walk out, as darling as I remembered her from 7:30am, but her knee socks are now slouched and her jacket is pouring out of her small backpack.

Something's on her face.

It's a sticker. It's a sticker that has GREAT JOB! written across it.

Fiona: "Hi, Mom!"

Me: "Hi, Fi! How was your day?"

Fiona: "Good. I got a sticker!"

Me: "I see. How'd you get that?"

Fiona: "I spelled some words and counted and stuff."

Every day for the last 3 weeks, the drill's the same: I ask her how her day was and she says (big smiles), "great! I didn't get a blueberry cookie, but I did get a cracker!" And everyday I try to understand what the hell that means. What do you have to do to get a blueberry cookie? Do other kids get blueberry cookies? A blueberry cookie? For real? I've never even seen a blueberry cookie in my 28 years of cookie-eating. And all I can gather from her short term 5 year old memory and series of non sequitur answers is there is some stash of non chocolate cookies (I don't believe in the blueberry cookie) that are given daily as an educational tool or incentive for knowing something. And obviously my child has yet to know that something as she hasn't earned the alleged blueberry cookie. The consolation prize is a cracker, I suppose.

Our abstract exchange makes it difficult for me to know what kind of flashcards I should be flashing at her. What kind of flashcard will help her score a blueberry cookie?

Me: "You don't remember what you did to get the sticker?"

Fiona: "Um, yeah. I sat in an orange chair and counted to (gazing out window, immediately bored by my questions) 10 or said abcs or somethin'."

Me: "Honey, I don't think they give stickers out to kids for doing that in kindergarten. That's stuff you learned when you were 3."

Fiona: "Yeah. I know. But guess what? When I answered the question, she moved me to the blue seat, and all the kids clapped, like this." (Big smile while imitating clapping children.)

Me: "Fi, that's wonderful."

{pause}

Fiona: (Very serious) "I know."

{pause}

Fiona: (Looking out the window) "And then they said, 'Hooray, Fiona! Hooray, Fiona!"

Me: "Wow. But you can't remember what you did? Exactly?"

Fiona: "Something about learning."

{pause}

Fiona: "And then the kids in the orange chairs were mad like this (imitates an angry child with arms crossed, scowl on face), because they didn't know the answers."

Me: "Answer to what? And I thought you said everyone was clapping and cheering?"

Fiona: "Well, the kids who like me did, because they were sitting in blue chairs. But the ones who don't didn't because they don't know the answers and had to stay in the orange chairs."

Me: "Answers to what!?"

Fiona: "You know, school stuff."

Me: "Was it about math- addition, subtraction? Or was it about words- spelling or sounds?"

Fiona: "Spelling and minuses."

Ugh. I give up.

{pause}

Fiona: "Jocylyn, my best friend who's Irish (I'm pretty sure there are no Irish kids in her class, as Fiona is the only white kid. It's less about my disbelief in the non-Caucasian Irish person, but more in my disbelief in my child's recognition of an Irish person, Caucasian or not.), said I'm super smart."

Me: "Aw. That's nice of her. I agree."

Fiona: (Still looking out window) "Yup."

{pause}

Fiona: (Still looking out the window) "And I'm going to get a blueberry cookie tomorrow."

So, let's review. I don't believe:

1. in the blueberry cookie
2. that Fiona knows what she has to do to earn the blueberry cookie
3. that Fiona remembers what she did to earn the face sticker
4. Fiona's interpretation of her classmates' reaction to earning that sticker
5. in Jocylyn's ethnicity
6. I will ever know the appropriate flashcards to make for Fiona to earn the blueberry cookie